"Discover Your Unique Writing Talent"

SAMPLES FROM PAST CRITIQUES

Here are portions of some actual CWN writing critiques (published with permission, of course).

Sample 1: “This is quite an unusual piece, which currently reads more as a prose poem than a traditional story. Rather than being structured around a linear plot, the structure here seems to be based on a series of dreamlike images, which return again and again in new forms in a landscape of violence and loss.

You could take this piece in very different directions depending on your goals for it.

1. You could keep it as a non-traditional prose piece, tightening the language and imagery. More comments related to this below.
2. You could turn it into a traditional story, focusing in on one of the events described here (for example: the mugging, or even Carole’s departure or the cat’s disappearance), and weaving the story’s themes of impermanence, abandonment, and loss around that event...”

Sample 2:"...I love the way you leave the ending open, with the reader pondering the letter opener (previously presented as a means of escape and suddenly seen in a new light as a potential murder weapon). I think the effect would be subtler and even stronger if you ended the story a bit sooner than you do: where the doctor says "I don't think we are going to have to worry about anything like that happening here." I would make that the final sentence of the story. By then, an attentive reader will have gotten the point, and everything that comes after that sentence is just underlining the point unnecessarily…”

Sample 3: "The narrative voice in your story is lively and entertaining. I especially loved the details of the Midwest Society for Alien Research conference and its loony attendees. The presentation topics were really funny, my personal favorite being "Exploding Vegetables - the Latest Alien Weapon." I think you do a good job engaging the reader’s attention right away and setting up suspense from the first page (What IS this guy doing at the conference? What is he going to say?) And the twist ending caught me by surprise.

My understanding of your story's structure is the following:

1. Setup: the narrator is at a conference about aliens, where he clearly doesn't fit in or want to be. So the reader assumes he has something serious to say and is in suspense about what his presentation will be about.
2. Turning point: The narrator shows the picture of his cat, causing the reader to wonder if he's even loonier than the other conference participants. The other participants also think he's nuts and laugh him off the stage.
3. Turning point 2: In a single sentence, you reverse our assumptions: "'How did it go, James?' Tempest asked without getting up from his cat lounger..."

One aspect of the story that you might consider strengthening is a sense of the narrator's motivation. What is driving him? We assume that he has a good reason for being at the conference, but most of his anxiety seems to be about public speaking, not about an imminent takeover of the world. And, at the end, Tempest and he seem to have a conspiratorial relationship, which confused me slightly. My interpretation was that Tempest is a "good" or "domesticated" alien, helping the narrator in his mission to warn the world. But perhaps this should be clarified. And perhaps by moving focus slightly from the narrator's fear of public speaking to his need to warn the world in spite of this fear, you could create a greater sense of urgency and forward movement in the story.

While the details of the conference and the other speakers are wonderful, it seems to me that a lot of time is spent on them relative to the time spent on the narrator's speech and its aftermath which is the main plotline. Consider whether this balance needs to be adjusted.

I also wondered about the reaction of the conference participants. Their rejection of the narrator seems to happen awfully fast for a conference where people present papers on exploding vegetables (I know you point out this irony, but it still felt implausible to me). And although I understand that these are odd people, I have never been to a conference of any kind where the audience was so overtly rude and hostile or where a speaker was actually pulled off the stage. Maybe a more believable reaction would be to have the audience listen to him at first in polite silence, and then -- when they realize that he is showing pictures of his cat -- burst out in laughter. I imagine the narrator battling his fear of public speaking in order to deliver a message that he believes is amazing and urgent, and then being dumbfounded when the audience treats it as... comedy. This is only one possible scenario -- there are many different ways you could have the scene play out. Here are some other questions that I had when I was reading. I am not necessarily suggesting that you answer the questions in the sense of providing explicit explanations, but you might consider some editing of the story to prevent other readers from having similar doubts.

1. In the first paragraph, you say that the narrator loves science fiction, etc. And you imply that this is his reason for being at the conference: "Although I enjoy... science fiction... my purpose for being at this conference no longer seemed as solid." This seems to me to contradict what comes after. In the third paragraph, he says, "I am not alien enamored space cadet..." (okay, I know there are degrees and that being a science fiction buff is not the same as an alien aficionado, but this is a subtle distinction to make here). And presumably his reason for being at the conference is not a love of the subject matter but a desire to warn that aliens are plotting to take over the world? Or is he not worried by this -- is his desire to present his discovery purely academic? One option to consider would be to have the narrator say the opposite of what he currently does in the first paragraph. He hates science and science fiction, but is at this conference anyway. This would immediately set up a tension and provoke the reader's curiosity..."