Lesson 5: Share Your Writing

by Nancy

Share your 10-minute writing for Lesson 5, and read what other writers have done.

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Feb 15, 2011
 Blind
by: Indiana

The moment David saw her he felt the breeze blowing, sun shining and sea whispering. She must have come straight from the beach! It took him no efforts imagining her black silky curls tighten in ponytail being wet and free and chocolate tummy showing between her yellowish blouse and jeans having white sand touch. She looked at him for a second and hided her welcoming olive eyes behind long lashes. He forced himself back from the dream to the smog of Irish autumn and squeezed pub. Slowly moving his direction she was searching around but David knew she was just pretending to screen the bar for other boys to give him more time to watch her and make up his mind. David waved his hand and loudly introduced himself fighting the noise of voices and music. Her lips moved slightly but she said nothing clearly resisting show her real feelings and simply set on the chair that he was holding for her. She ordered a drink and they paused. It was one of those pleasant moments when you say nothing but feel a lot. David tension and anticipation of failure were slowly disappearing creating a chemistry of sympathy and acceptance. By the time he offered her second drink he had no doubts left that this blind date is irresistibly turning into blind love.


Elsa hesitated to open the door. She was getting sick and tired of all those blind dates. Bloody waist of her time! But this guy David she was about to meet had such a deep and sexy voice while talking to her by phone. He made her feel sure and protected. Any case what could be worth then another lonely boring evening? Life is not that much fun any more when you turned thirty. Countless time promising herself this to be the last time she entered the bar getting blind by smog and deaf by music. Slowly adjusting Elsa was searching around trying to match the squeezed bodies and magical voice memory. She noticed a man with strong hands, the tall navy officer smoking cigar and then the waving hand. The hand belonged to the short men wearing round small spectacles of a scientist and annoyingly bright pink shirt. Stroking the remaining of his heir by one long gesture he introduced himself as David. She miraculously managed to swallow “No!” that was just about to come out of her already moving lips. He proudly offered her a sit and got lost in salience. Thanks god for that! Elsa put all her efforts to resist showing her exceptional disappointment. She gave him a second look and shut her eyes struggling do not laugh. He must have been meditating. King body posture, motionless eyes fixed on the glass and bony triangle face with comically folding jaw. By the time he offered her a second drink Elsa was sure that this is blind date with a self-blind guy.
Jan 31, 2011
 blind date with segun and joy
by: linda

Part 1
Segun’s point of view -

Segun waited for her to arrive. It’s been ten minutes past the agreed time. That’s okay; a man should always expect to wait for a woman. They are the weaker sex and always took their time to look good for the man. Not that he had had any date with a woman before, but had had the saying several times.

It’s almost thirty minutes past the time. Perhaps, she had changed her mind; perhaps she had come in without his notice; after all, he had never seen her before but only depended on the description they had both agreed on phone: He had told her red was his favourite colour and so she said she would put on a red dress and a red lipstick to stand out, as it is not a woman’s everyday look.

He looked around the restaurant; there were not so many people and there were fewer women than men. The men without women, like him, seemed to be expecting their dates too. Not that he doubted that the adage about women’s lateness to dates was right anyway.

Another opening of the entrance impulsively drew his eyes, and he instinctively perceived, the other men’s in the restaurant, to the door. Only he was relieved by the lady that stepped in. she was all dressed in one colour – red: her shoes, bag, and a thin long scarf holding back her hair, as well as the dangling plastic earrings on the sides of her face were all as red as her dress and lip stick. This is certainly not an everyday woman’s attire but she did it for him. That was a good gesture enough for him; even though red was his favourite colour, he didn’t expect her to go the extra mile to bring it to him in full force. It was an encouragement from her which boosted his ego as he stood all grinning and waving at her.

He thought he saw a slight shock in her face at discovering him. But that faded as soon as it had come. She smiled and walked towards him.

‘Hello!’ he grinned wider as she got close to him. Briefly, he didn’t know whether to embrace her or shake her at this first meeting. But that was settled when she proffered a hand and they shook.

‘Hi,’ Joy said, keeping the smile she had on since discovering him.

‘Please, sit down.’ He eagerly pulled out a chair for her. She sat first before he did. John, his friend had taught him a lot about how to be a gentleman to a lady, all for this special meeting. Sitting opposite her he grinned more and sigh with an elbow on the table and palm under his chin, ‘Phew!’ he couldn’t believe his luck: “She’s damn pretty and the reds illumined her facial features.”

‘Why do you do that?’ She chuckled, and he was pleased because his action made her blush; Segun thought. ‘You’re a beautiful lady and I can’t help but admire you right away.’
Jan 31, 2011
 blind date with segun and joy
by: linda

Part 2

‘Well, thank you. But do you mind being a bit less obvious about it?’ Joy was still smiling and he thought “she’s shy too!” How lucky he was.

‘Finally, we’ve met. I can’t wait to know you better even though I like you already. You’ll make a good partner wherever this takes us, God knows, marriage maybe. Don’t let us be presumptuous already, there are things I like and others I hate about my women. I’ll let you know them, but first let’s order. Good, the waiter is here.’ He saw her yes blinking in wonderment and then she shook her head. Still smiling she sighed. She must be amazed at her luck that her search for a man had come to an end and was relieved. He assumed about her.

‘What would you like to eat, darling?’ His eyes and teeth beamed with excitement. Seeing her seated before him and knowing she was his date, and would definitely be his woman pleased him. Who would think a pretty woman like this would ever be his. Nevertheless, he should control his excitement so as not to give the impression that he was new at this game – dating.

He had to remember all the rules: don’t talk too much, don’t laugh or smile too much, just don’t be too excited and be calm and gentle. John had told him. Come to think of it, he seemed to have broken all the rules. But looking at Joy seated calmly and smiling, she didn’t mind and seemed to like him that way. However, he must keep to the rules now that he remembered them all.

‘I’ll prefer you order for both of us, please.’ Joy said.

“She’s even conventional,” he thought. Or was she trying to be so just to attract him for keeps? “Women, you can’t trust them. They keep pretending to be what they are not. But I can’t tell her that I know that. I’ll simply play along.” ‘If you insist.” He said and made their order.

Turning again to her after the waiter had left, he asked, ‘When would you like me to take you to meet my parents’. They would love you!’And he was pleased to see her gasp for joy. Just as he had expected: she couldn’t believe her luck.


Joy’s point of view -

Joy breathed a heavy sigh before stepping up the threshold towards the door of the restaurant. She didn’t want to do this because she thought blind dates could be awkward for the two people involved. But Lara, her friend, had insisted.

‘You’re not getting any younger, Joy. Every woman needs a man and no amount of successes and achievements can fill the vacuum a man’s love can give.’ Lara said, forcing her to give in even if she didn’t agree with her. Let her just get done with it so that Lara and everyone else would let her be. She thought; and if it turned out well for her date and her, all the better. If not, she had nothing to lose since she wasn’t enthusiastic about it any way.
Jan 31, 2011
 blind date with segun and joy
by: linda

Part 3

She knew she was late already, but she took a quick scan through the glass door and walls of the restaurant to see if she could identify her date, but could not see clearly which of the men seemingly expecting their dates was Segun her own date. This difficulty was as a result of the exterior reflections on the glasses of the buildings and movements outside.

Opening the door, she saw all the expectant men look towards her and was slightly taken aback by the one that stood and waved like an excited school boy at finding his mother. Segun had sounded gentlemanly on the phone when they spoke. Come to think of it now, he must have been so with the help of a tutor by his side. She remembered his short pauses as well as the frustrated whispers in the background. When she asked him about them, he had explained that he was trying to shove his whimpering puppy away from his sheets, being that he was seated on the bed.

She felt all eyes on her, apparently because of her peculiar dressing. She would have to bare it; she didn’t know it would be this bad. Fine, he sounded nice enough on the phone and because she was impressed by it she decided to please him a little by wearing the colour he liked as an aid to identifying her when she would enter the restaurant. On a second thought as the time of their date drew near, she thought she shouldn’t be too interested in the soft spoken man, and so decided to push him away first by overdoing the colour-match. In this way, she wouldn’t be disappointed if neither of them liked the other eventually.

She put up a smile to hide her embarrassment and to be polite. If anything, she was not a kind to be rude to a fellow person no matter what. So she thought of herself, and so truly so she was.

Going to meeting him and at the same time trying to ignore the on-lookers, she couldn’t help but notice his lingering excitement that gives him a boyish charm. She didn’t mind liking that in a man, if only he would stop exaggerating it.

‘Hello!’ he grinned at her.

She had expected a hand-thrust to come with all that excitement, but saw that he was a bit confused about what to do. ‘Hi!’ She quickly rescued him by proffering a hand-shake which he took hold of tightly and shook slightly roughly. “Maybe he’s a mama’s boy and he’s nervous.” She thought.

‘Have a seat.’ He trotted round her to pull out a chair. “Gush! Quit running around me; I already have enough attention wearing all this red.” She quarried him inwardly.

Taking his seat opposite her, he stood an elbow on the table and sat his chin on his right palm. “What’s that?! What’s that?!” she panicked with embarrassment, yet she had to put up a polite smile. Why had her parents schooled her to be polite at all times? She grumbled inwardly. ‘Why do you do that?’ she kept to her taught manners and even chuckled not to give a trace of her annoyance.

Jan 31, 2011
 blind date with segun and joy
by: linda

Part 4

‘You’re a beautiful lady and I can’t help but admire you right away.’ He answered rather sheepishly, she felt disgusted.

Yet, her manners prevailed and she acknowledged it as nicely as she could mutter. ‘Well, thank you. But do you mind being a bit less obvious about it?’

His reaction to this request made her think he must be thinking of her as a pet he was pleased with. “What have I gotten myself into?” she wondered to herself. As if that wasn’t enough, he gave her a shocker by ranting thus:

‘Finally, we’ve met. I can’t wait to know you better even though I like you already. You’ll make a good partner wherever this takes us, God knows, marriage maybe. Don’t let us be presumptuous already, there are things I like and others I hate about my women. I’ll let you know them, but first let’s order. Good, the waiter is here.’

“Partner? Marriage? His women? Who does he think he is, Denzel Washington to fall for?!” She couldn’t believe this shocking rant but swallowed it with a sigh, “Okay, he’s also egotistic. I can deal with that.” She smiled, “it only means I’m not disappointed now that I know I don’t and can’t like him.”

‘What would you like to eat, darling?’ he asked wearing that sheepish smile again.

“Now, who’s being presumptuous?” she frowned without showing it. “One minute he’s infantile, and the other he’s egotistic. What has Lara gotten her into?” She didn’t have an appetite before coming, and she already knew now that she wouldn’t even be able to swallow a thing. She just had to bear all this to the end.

‘I’ll prefer you order for both of us, please.’ Joy said half-heartedly. Her cheeks were already aching anyway from a long smile, and she was getting irritated too.

‘If you insist.’ He said and made their order.

While he was at it she thought this was all a new experience for her. Yes she had had dates and many for that matter, but they were all for business. Not that she thought badly about having dates for pleasure but there’s a lot she needed to cover and achieve in life and she felt to never have done much each time she reflected on them. It was her friend Lara who practically forced this on her with the help of some other friend of hers “I think she called John”, she frowned. If this is how romantic dates are like then she didn’t want to have another.

After the waiter had left, he turned to her smiling and asked self-assuredly, ‘When would you like me to take you to meet my parents. They would love you!’

“What?!” Thank God she didn’t have water in her mouth; she would have deliberately spat it on him and apologized for not intending it. “Now that does it,” and put paid to her decision that she didn’t like him. Now she just had to tolerate him for the time being and politely end the relationship at the close of this date.

“Look at him,” she smiled, “he must think he’s really Denzel.”
Jan 22, 2011
 WORK 5
by: Tarak Khanfir

John woke up at the middle of night, unable to sleep again and extremely eagered to that great appointment. She is Suzan, a very great woman, who had promised John with serious engagement and support. John was walking up and down the house feeling that the time is spreading very slowly. He was looking at the clock every 3 minutes, feeling that he is spending long days on this burning night waiting. Finally, after a hard struggle and long patience, it is 7 o clock. John finished doing his shave and wearing his clothes 2 hours ago. He left extremely excited giving a damn to that house and his very long waiting. Fifteen minutes later, John was finally in the station, the place of date. John went to a cafe nearby and brought a double heavy coffee in a plastic cup. After that, he came back to the station looking right and left, afraid if Suzan have come and did not find him. After a great patience struggle drinking this refreshing coffee, Suzan came just after John finished his coffee. John almost fainted. However, Suzan was gazing at him in a suspect way. She seemed very hostile toward him. John was extremely worried about that. After a cold and nervous conversation, Suzan decided to go away recognising the real John who had an extremely bad reputation. John had a mad rage. He was so furious that he was shouting with agressive insults and obscene words. He could not control himself so he hit a passing man, causing him a hurt on his head, and broke the back glass of a car.
WRITTEN BY :
TARAK KHANFIR
Jan 18, 2011
 The Blind Date Part One
by: Brande

Gina leaned against the kitchen counter, scowling. She was at it again; her mother, as usual. When would her mother learn to butt out of her business?
“Mom please stop trying to fix me up with your friend’s sons, and please tell Aunt Sandy the same. The last date that Aunt Sandy selected was a toad.”
“Gina, your twenty five years old; most of your friends are either engaged or married. When are you going to settle down, meet the right man, and get married? I would love to have grandchildren sometime before I die. I’m not getting any younger, and neither are you.”
“Mom, I’m in no hurry to get married, I told you that several times. Why don’t you listen?”
“Gina, look at yourself, I never see you in dresses, just sweatshirts and jeans, or slack out fits: your hair, it’s always a mess, falling into your face. Why don’t you get it cut?”
“Mom, dresses are for special occasions and funerals, not for every day wear; and my hair is fine.”
“Do me a favor then, hurry up and get changed. Wear that dress that I laid on your bed, please.”
“Mom what did you do? Did you invite someone here tonight? Is this why you called me, and asked me over?”
“Do you remember Fran; well she’s in town with her son. I invited them over for supper. I haven’t seen Fran for years.”
“Mom you didn’t” I asked you not to do this any more, didn’t I?” Gina replied. She then stood up, crossing her arms.
“Well I did, Fran’s son is not to happy about it, but Fran told him that he had to come. So you might as well stay and at least make an effort.”
“Ok, in one condition. You will never try to fix me up with a date again; and that goes with Aunt Sandy also, promise?”
“I promise Gina, just tonight only. Ok? Is that the door bell?
“Yes it is, I’ll get it.”
Jan 18, 2011
 The Blind Date Part 2
by: Anonymous

Ok, in one condition. You will never try to fix me up with a date again; and that goes with Aunt Sandy also, promise?”
“I promise Gina, just tonight only. Ok? Is that the door bell?
“Yes it is, I’ll get it.”
Gina walked slowly to the front door, and opened it. Fran walked in, and gave her a hug. Fran had changed, from being a sleek petite brunette, to being obese, with graying hair.
“It’s been years since I saw you last. You were a scrawny little child, with large blue eyes. Now look at you, very petite, blonde, and deep blue eyes. Wait till my David sees you. Right now, he is getting the wine from the car. Can’t have a delicious meal without wine; now can we?”
Fran walked out to the kitchen to talk to Sally, Gina’s mother. Gina waited by the door, waiting for David. Various thoughts crossed her mind about David. Was he like Fran, obese, or was he just a geek, that had problems getting dates.
The door bell rang, and Gina opened the door. She stood there and gasped. David was not a geek, nor anything like Fran. Instead she found him to be quite interesting. He stood six foot-four, slim built, dark wavy hair, warm brown eyes, and a sincere smile. He was far from being a toad, as her last date.
“Hi, you going to let me in or do we just stand here? I’m David, you must be Gina. I’m very glad to meet you.”
“Come in, forgive me, I’m in a fog.”
“I’m going to be blunt, not what you were expecting am I; and you’re not what I expected. In fact you’re a pleasant surprise; compared to the other women my mother introduced me to.”
“Sounds like our mothers are somewhat alike. Do you also have an interfering aunt? Well, let’s go to the kitchen.”
“No interfering aunt. Did your mother tell you that my mom and I are moving back here?”
“No she didn’t.”
“I hope that we can see more of each other now. You don’t mind do you.?
“ No I don’t, maybe this time our mothers were right.”
Gina and David entered the kitchen, and sat across from each other, grinning.

Jan 08, 2011
 Lesson 5
by: J. Eve

In my veins Part 1

I can’t believe my life, I’ve always thought I was living correctly, go to church, support all the just causes, be kind, considerate, loving, helpful, a good neighbor, help the elderly, a loving husband, do all the right things, and basically an all around good guy, so why then do things always go wrong? This week alone the cat was poisoned, the dog was hit by a car, the car wouldn’t start, my wallet was stolen, I tripped and fell into a baby buggy, I spilled a cup of coffee on my boss, got a ticket for jay walking, the trash bag broke open, mistaken for some one else and beat up, lost my tax return, late for work three days in a role, my mother called asking for more money, my doctor say’s my health is poor, my vision is weak, I’ve always got a rash on my face, my job was downsized, my identity stolen online, lost the house keys, ran out of gas, forgot to buy a lotto ticket, and my number came in, still being stalked by and ex-girl friend, my father in-law wants me to go into business with him selling burial plots, the heater blew out, a water line busted, the back window was broken, the refrigerator died, mistakenly walked into the women’s washroom, fell asleep snoring in a meeting, my wife …

“Dustin, Dustin James, I thought that was you,” “Billy Earl, I haven’t seen you since our college days, running wild and having a ton of fun.”

“So Dustin, did you marry the most beautiful girl on campus? How is life treating you? Did you finally become that criminal lawyer you always wanted to be?” “Things are great Billy, Sara just the most wonderful women ever and my career is on top of the chart.”
Jan 08, 2011
 Lesson 5
by: J. Eve

In my veins Part 2

“So Dustin, did you marry the most beautiful girl on campus? How is life treating you? Did you finally become that criminal lawyer you always wanted to be?” “Things are great Billy, Sara just the most wonderful women ever and my career is on top of the chart.”

I guess that’s what lawyers do best, lie, if he only knew that Sara was a real ball buster, I want this, I want that, why can’t I get this, you promised me the world, you don’t satisfy me, I want more, may be I should have chosen a better mate, you never have time for me, where is all the pearls and diamonds, you call this luxury? “How about you Billy, did you travel and see the world?

“I gotta tell you, being single, living my life without any complaints, I’ve met so many interesting people, seen fantastic breath taking views, purchased properties globally, and own a multi-million dollar investment firm.”

“That’s great, you look so youthful, happy, looks like we both got what we wanted.” Boy, I can spread it on thick, that she devil that taunts me to death, my defending of no good for nothing evil doers, dope dealers, murders’, the worst of the worst, and all for money.

“Yea, I got to tell you Dustin you sealing Sara away from me was the best thing, I realized that being tied down to a ball and chain was not my style. I was very angry at first, how could my best friend do that to me? But, I learned inner peace, to let things go, live life to its fullest, forgive those that do you wrong, and most of all be happy with yourself.”

“Sounds like we both found the true meaning of life, love and happiness.” If he only knew my life is shot, my love is killing me and happiness is when I get a moment of breath.
Jan 08, 2011
 Lesson 5
by: J. Eve

In my veins Part 3

“Well Dustin it’s good we got to catch up, got to run I’m meeting a true princess for dinner and dancing, It’s nice to be rich and forget all the pains of life being broke. Traveling taught me that living is not about money, being broke showed me how to make good decisions, but keeping a happy heart is the true treasure in life.”

“Ok Billy, it was good to see you again, I’ll tell Sara I ran into you, oh by the way if you ever get into criminal trouble, I’m your man, here’s my card. See ya” talk about feeling down in the dumps, now I got to go home and get dumped on again, is there no rest. I need a drink, no I need a lot of drinks.

What a relief, I numb, I feel no pain, I’m numb, I feel no pain, now to get this key in the door, let my self in, and hopefully Satan’s daughter is asleep. What! I hear a baby crying in the back bedroom, no I’m drunk and hearing things, it’s got to be the television, she fell asleep with it on again.

“Dustin come see what I found today, I finally got what you couldn’t give me.”

I just got to see this “what in the name of John Wilkes Booth! are you doing changing that, that baby. Where did it come from? You don’t know anything about babies. Again where did it come from? Sara you are really blowing my mind again, tell me how it got here.”
Jan 08, 2011
 Lesson 5 Part 4
by: J. Eve

In my veins Part 4

“I’ve asked you over and over, I need to be complete, I need to be a mother, not just a wife to a dead beat lawyer. I want to feel alive, I want to nurture, and I want to love.”

“Sara all you do is want, then your bored and it doesn’t mean anything any more, where did this baby come from? I can get you off, just tell me the truth, I know a lot of judges that I can grease their palm. A plea of insanity, no you were off your meds, I know you thought it was your sister’s, a case of mistaken identity, no, no I’ll call child protective services and say it was left on the door step. Let me do all the talking with the police and the child services.

“Dustin you never let me have what I want, and I’m keeping my baby. You’ll see I’ll be the bestest mom ever, I’ll take it to the park, to the zoo, movies, shopping, to the beauty salon every where I go, It will go with me.”

“Sara take your knock out pills, go to sleep, I’ll take the baby to the police, say I just found it, and I heard the crying in an alley as I left the bar. I’m a lawyer, lying is in my veins.”

“You just never let me have my way, never, never, never, nev-er never.”

Traveling is looking so good to me now.
Oct 22, 2010
 The Blind Date
by: molly



Ron's Point of View

He showed up for the date and was so happy with how he looked wearing his favorite T-shirt. It had the words Boy Toy on the front.

He was at the restaurant before his date got there. He saw a woman walking towards him who wasn't his type at all. He opened his mouth into a huge grin so his disappointment wouldn't be noticed by his date.

When they sat down for drinks and dinner, he felt like it was love at first sight. They had to pull him away from the table when it was closing time.




Laura's Point of View

When she first saw her date, she had to decide whether or nor she should run away from the creepy looking guy as fast as she could.

She decided to stick it out but was angry at her sister for fixing her up with a creep like him.

She let him know she had to have an early night as she had some early meetings the next morning. She figured that was the only way she could make it through dinner with him.

Once she could get away from him she was thrilled. She sighed deeply and never looked back.
Oct 21, 2010
 3rd Person
by: Molly

Ron's Point of View

He showed up for the date and was so happy with how he looked wearing his favorite T-shirt. It had the words Boy Toy on the front.

He was at the restaurant before his date got there. He saw a woman walking towards him who wasn't his type at all. He opened his mouth into a huge grin so his disappointment wouldn't be noticed by his date.

When they sat down for drinks and dinner, he felt like it was love at first sight. They had to pull him away from the table when it was closing time.


Laura's Point of View

When she first saw her date, she had to decide whether or nor she should run away from the creepy looking guy as fast as she could.

She decided to stick it out but was angry at her sister for fixing her up with a creep like him.

She let him know she had to have an early night as she had some early meetings the next morning. She figured that was the only way she could make it through dinner with him.

Once she could get away from him she was thrilled. She sighed deeply and never looked back.
Oct 07, 2010
 Vasilis
by: Christel

Vasilis eased back in the chair so that his belly could rest more comfortably above his belt. He checked that three rather than four buttons from the top of his shirt were loosened, enough to expose his chunky gold chain and just enough shrubbery to whet her appetite. He ran a hand through his carefully oiled hair and new that his appearance was as it should be. As an afterthought Vasilis held a hand up to his mouth and sniffed his breath. Cuban cigar with a hint of cognac, what more could a girl ask for from a male of the species. And here she came now- long black hair and a shirt with an image of some new age goddess embezzled on the front and tight fitted capris. A bit hippie that, but with a good figure... thats really all that mattered. She held out her hand tentatively and said, “Hi, you must be Vasilis?”
“Sit down,” he gestured magnanimously at the plush red chair across from him and gestured with a flash of gold on his fingers for a waiter to come and take an order.
“This is a beautiful part of the casino. I haven't been in here before.” She glanced around at the gilded ceilings and rich inlaid mahogany appreciatively. He used the opportunity to oogle her cleavage while her eyes were averted. Nothing a proper bustier wouldn't fix. Tomorrow he'd take her shopping.
“Its a private bar. Invitation only.” It was time to let her now he was a man of substance. That always cinched the deal for broads.

Catherine was surprised when the man showed her into the room behind the poker tables. She'd worked at the casino for 3 weeks and thought she'd seen every corner on her first tour. But she understood the hierarchy around here and realised the 'blind' date must be someone who must practically have a license to print money. O crap!!! She'd dressed pretty casually after her shift and now wondered if this was the right move.
“Vasilis is in the corner,” the young man gestured subtly to the right and she had to spin around to see him.
Good lord, she could see his belly straining at the bottom of his shirt from ten meters away. His greasy locks shone in the dim light of the crystal chandeliers and the ample gold around his neck was about as subtle as a red ferrari.
“Hi, you must be Vasilis?” What else could she say? She wanted to throw a blanket over herself and take a bath after he scanned her. Now he was gesturing imperiously at the waiter like some monarch. Yep, this guy was so full of it. Like money buys you class.
“This is a beautiful part of the casino. I've never been in here before.” Catherine was trying to buy time. Looking away was a mistake, she'd been x-rayed again.
“Its a private bar. Invitation only”. Vasilis was oily, smug, and, o god!- was he that Vasilis?? Could he be one of the investors. Could she lose her job over this? She'd heard rumors he had a casual arrangement with more than a few of the female staff.
Sadly, the night was still young!
Aug 31, 2010
 @ Robbie
by:

This was fun to read. Brent gave me the creeps! I like the moment in which Jo-Ann decides to give Brent a second chance (making Jo-Anne sympathetic as a character), and Brent blows it.

Thanks for sharing this.

Nancy (Creative Writing Now)
Aug 31, 2010
 @ Angelo
by:

Like Robbie, I felt sorry for Jason! I enjoyed reading this scene.

Nancy (Creative Writing Now)
Aug 22, 2010
 Robbie's Exercise 5
by: N Kotkin

In your first scene, you did an excellent job having Brent misread his date's thoughts and signals.

In the second scene, I would suggest making the guy creepier.

"As Jo-Anne followed the waiter across the busy cafe, she fought the urge to turn and run. There was her blind date, as handsome as her sister had described, wearing the green-and-white tie he'd described, looking her up and down with a leer."

The first sentence has JoAnne already repelled by her date, but we don't know why. Then the next sentence describes him as handsome, a turn-on for most women. You don't get to the leer until much later, and it's a mere mention.
Aug 22, 2010
 Angelo's Exercise 5
by: N Kotkin

You did a great job differentiating the viewpoints. These really read like two different scenes, rather than the same scene slightly altered, meaning that you were really able to get into the heads of your characters.

In the first scene, I think you can remove "the agreed upon signal". Since they are both wearing carnations, the reader will assume it is their sign to identify one another.
Aug 20, 2010
 Re: Angelo and my exercise.
by: Robbie

The gender confusion is easily fixed with: His blind date was late. Angelo, you made me feel sorry for Jason! You did something I didn't think to do -- show both points of view in one scene. Here is my Lesson 5 exercise. Comments welcome...

A blind date scene -- Brent's point of view.

Brent was relieved to see that the woman walking toward his table wearing a butterfly pin was a pretty blonde who actually looked a bit younger than the age his co-worker – this dish's sister – had stated. He smiled and stood as the waiter pulled out the other chair for Brent's blind date.
"Hi, Brent," said Jo-Anne, her voice soft as silk. "It's good to meet you finally."
She smiled sweetly and Brent knew she liked him already.
Brent sat and found his voice. "The pleasure's all mine," he said. "I suspect we're going to hit it off just fine. Would you like a beer, or a glass of wine, maybe?"
"Not with lunch," Jo-Anne answered. She inclined her head slightly and smiled again. "I'll have iced tea."
Hmm, Brent thought, her mouth says 'not with lunch' but her smile says 'maybe later'. He smiled back and said, "Sure thing, beautiful."

A blind date scene -- Jo-Anne's point of view.

As Jo-Anne followed the waiter across the busy cafe, she fought the urge to turn and run. There was her blind date, as handsome as her sister had described, wearing the green-and-white tie he'd described, looking her up and down with a leer. Brent stood as the waiter seated Jo-Anne. She glanced around wondering if there was any way the other women in the room could not notice this man nodding appreciatively as if the waiter had just brought him a properly cooked steak.
"Hi, Brent," Jo-Anne forced herself to say. "It's good to meet you finally." I'm here, she thought, might as well make the best of it.
Brent sat down and grinned cheerfully. "The pleasure's all mine," he said. "I suspect we're going to hit it off just fine." Then he actually asked her if she would like some beer or wine. It wasn't even noon yet!
"Not with lunch," Jo-Anne answered quickly. Then she looked down at the floral print on the vinyl tablecloth and told herself to give the guy a chance. First impressions, after all, can often be misleading. So she smiled at Brent and added, "I'll have iced tea."
Brent smiled back. With a quick wink he said, "Sure thing, beautiful."
Oh God, Jo-Anne groaned inwardly. And sis called him a deep thinker!
Aug 19, 2010
 last posting.
by: Anonymous

my mistake J.F.M.
Aug 19, 2010
 Angelo is Jason a male or a female?
by: Joseph F. Mazzaferro

Your reference to she?

J.F.M.
Aug 14, 2010
 Exercise 5
by: Angelo

Jason kept on looking at his watch, she was five minutes late. People were looking at him strangely as he stared at every woman who was on her own coming into the café. Then there she was, this beautiful slim woman about thirty years old. He made sure that she wore the red carnation on her handbag, the agreed signal. He checked that his red carnation was still pinned to the collar of his shirt. He walked up to her, his hand outstretched, “hello I’m Jason, how do you do?” She smiled and took his hand, “hello I’m Sonya, nice to meet you,” she said.
“Would you like to sit over there by the window? What would you like to drink, tea, coffee, a milk shake?” He said manoeuvring her toward the table.
“Thank you, a white coffee would be nice.” She said sitting down at the table.
“Would you like anything to eat, a donut or a scone?”
“A donut would be fine thanks.” She replied shuffling in her seat and placing the handbag on the floor under her seat. Jason rushed over to the counter to order, “What a great looking woman, she’s the one. I have to watch my P’s and Q’s,” he thought waiting to be served, “could I have two donuts and a white and black coffee please.”

Sonya was running late, she didn’t really want to come today but her sister forced her. She hadn’t been out on a date with a man since John passed away. It had now been twelve months Robert was now going on ten years old and her sister Janice has been on her back to get with someone to give her son a father figure.
He came rushing to her, this huge hairy man, she hoped that he didn’t see her, “too late he’s seen me, I guess its too late to back out,” she thought shaking his hand, “oh, what’s that smell, its him my God I have to get out here.”
She sat down, he asked if she wanted a coffee, “thank you, a white coffee would be nice,” she said and all the time looking for a way to escape, “this was a bad idea. Why do I always let my sister get me in these awkward situations? He asked her if she wanted something to eat, “a donut would be fine thanks.” She said. He went to order, now was her chance. She stood up and followed him through the crowd but as he stop at the counter she kept on going and out the door.

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