Lesson 8: Share Your Writing

by Nancy

Share your 10-minute writing for Lesson 8, and read what other writers have done.

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Feb 22, 2011
Caro's Jeff
by: Linda

Part 1

Jeff looked at the mirror wondering why he was not resistible enough to keep Caro to himself. Not that he was a better choice than the One she made, but he had always thought that he was such a charm that Caro, or any other woman for that matter, would not let slip out of her grip; at least she gave him that impression.
Staring closer into the mirror and holding his face in his hands he pulled his cheeks down in wonder and frustration, and then he collapsed into a chair. He just couldn’t understand because she never gave him a clue. Did she know all along about what she wanted and went into a relationship all the same?
As he thought about it he remembered how the news was broken to him. He had called her on the phone to know if she was ready for him to pick her up for their date but her phone wasn’t ringing but replied with a computer-generated feminine voice saying that the phone was switched off. He had wondered why and after several attempts at calling again, he decided to go to pick her in her parents’ house where she lived.
On arriving, he met her natal family in a contemplative mood; they all appear shocked and wondering. He greeted and asked what the matter was being familiar with them already. After a brief consideration Caro’s father asked him, ‘Did Caro not tell you she would be going into the monastery today?’
The question was shocking and funny to Jeff. ‘Sorry sir, but I don’t understand. I’m here to pick her for our date.’ He observed the entire family sigh and shake their heads. ‘What is happening sir, is Caro not in? Is she not well?’
It took him another annoying brief moment of silence before Caro’s father supplied again, ‘Caro went into the monastery today and would not come home again.’
“This is really funny.” Jeff thought and chuckle. ‘Please sir, but I still don’t understand.’
‘Neither do we,’ was his reply and continued, ‘She went to morning service earlier in the day and didn’t come back to pick even an extra dress for her journey.’ Jeff thought he wasn’t still making sense and Caro’s father could tell his thought, ‘My son, it doesn’t make sense to me too, and as you can see, to all of us. We were still wondering about this sudden decision since a Priest told us about it not more than an hour ago. It now baffles me more that she did not even mention it to you, her fiancé.’

Feb 22, 2011
Caro's Jeff
by: Linda

Part 2

His whole speech sounded gibberish to Jeff who was yet to come out of the shock as he reflected on it back in his house. “She didn’t give a clue. She never mentioned it,” he thought. Caro was a spontaneous person, no doubt, but this didn’t make sense to him. Only last night they had planned how many children they wanted for each other. They had planned how they would manage their family with their jobs. They had made so many plans yesterday and she appeared happy about it all.
“This isn’t happening,” he thought severally, “someone’s going to call me soon and tell me it was all an off-April fool’s day joke.” He believed in his thought and actually waited for the call for a few seconds. ‘What in the world is this?!’ He didn’t care that his scream surprised him or would be heard outside. ‘What nonsense and rubbish is this?!’ He continued to scream out his frustration.
He didn’t think he would be ready so soon for marriage having planned to use the advantage of his good looks to play on girl and enjoy it. He did get away with doing that for a while until he met Caro and actually worked his way into her heart and decided to keep her for good. She was an ambitious happy-go-lucky with a beautiful face and a lovely smile; he would be stupid to resist and let go a lady with her prospects.

Feb 22, 2011
Caro's Jeff
by: Linda

Part 3

She wasn’t like other ladies he had dated. She was not a dreamer but a goal-getter. He knew he didn’t matter to her for a while, but with time she accepted him and thought she came to really love him; at least he thought so from all indications of her feelings and expressions towards him. Caro had so much anticipated their wedding that he just could not understand why she took this step without warning anyone.
Jeff felt played on in return for playing other girls in the past. He felt great pain and anguish at losing Caro and this weighed him down for six years before he could accept to date again. He decided love needn’t have anything to do with marriage having tasted the bitterness of being dumped by a loved one. But his wife was a patient home maker who understood him and worked him into loving her.
It was ten years since she left her and when he heard she was in town for her last visit to the outside world, he felt an urge to see her again; to see how she looked and know how she was faring. He wanted to talk to her and find out why she pulled the surprise that she did. It dawned on him that he had not stopped loving her, but thought it better to let her be. Perhaps, approaching her in her present state of near-nunnery would embarrass her or put him in an awkward situation. He would let her be and if she felt like, she could come to him; after all, she was the one who left him. But this decision did not go down well with him.
The next day he went to visit her after work. Though he thought it wasn’t fair to his wife but he needed to see Caro for some explanations or something [was his intension]. He met her at home. Seeing her, he became speechless for the first few seconds. ‘How are you?’ was the first thing that came out of his lips. He knew the answer already from her radiant glow. The woman before her was much more mature and happier than ever; she had an exuding joy he never saw in the past. Right now, she looked like she had achieved everything she wanted in life and what no man could ever dream of achieving. She was happy and he could distinguish the difference from the time she was with him.
He sighed as his ten years of burden eventually shed off his chest. He smiled at her and somehow they both understood each other. ‘It’s been a long while and I thought I should see you when I heard you were in town.’
‘Jeff, witnessing your forgiveness right now is a great relief for me too. We do have a lot to talk about.’ She held his hands.

Feb 11, 2011
WORK 8
by: Tarak Khanfir

From the point of view of Ali Ben Jira and Jalel Ben Jammel, they think of themselves perfect heroes. They think they are always struggling for the justice, rights and the greatest desire. They think they are never making evil things ; even when they do, it is authorised because it was necessary to do that. They think they are the greatest people in the world because they are struggling so bravely for the universal joy. They think that everyone who denies they are heroes must be punished. However, from the point of view of Nadine Ben Francis, the engaged supporter of Ali, it is a little bit different. It is true that she is proud of them and appreciates their work. She admits that they are heroes. However, she sees them relatively arrogant and stubborn. She admits that they are great. But she never thinks they are the best in the world. In addition, she sees that they sometimes make really inacceptable acts. She sees that they sometimes make act which really show very bad manners. She also sees that they are sometimes irresponsible and imbecile. In addition of that, she sees that they are very spoiled which leads them to exploit women cruelly. She sees that they sometimes do not respect women seeing them just serving partners for them. She sees that they often demand their rights from women without being engaged in their obligations toward them so they make them work all the day serving them while they are just relaxing. However, Nadine never denies that Ali and Jalel are really great heroes who deserve to be international leaders. So she struggles to serve Ali with all her efforts.
TARAK KHANFIR

Jan 21, 2011
The Foggy Night
by: Brande

Janet locked the door of the bakery shop and walked towards her car. The late September sun had set, bringing in fog and much cooler air from the bay. Janet pulled her scarf closer to her neck, as she unlocked the door of her sedan and climbed in. She tried to start the car but failed to do so; all she heard was a click and silence. Janet recalled Paul, her fiancée advising her to purchase a new battery last week, however she let it slip from her mind; now no car.
After locking the door, she decided to walk home. She did not live far from the bakery, and during late spring and summer, she often walked to and from work, since it stayed light longer. She glanced down the street, finding it to be void of all life. As she started to walk an eerie feeling came upon her, as though she was treading on alien soil. She could hear several dogs barking in the distance, and the howling of a nearby cat. Shortly she heard muffled footsteps behind her, and chills raced up her spine. She gathered speed in her walk, wishing that she was at home, curled up on the sofa watching one of her favorite shows. Now she was envisioning being robbed or drug down some dark alley never to be found again.
The footsteps grew louder and much closer. Janet wanted to run, but found that her legs felt like lead weights, and would not move. She decided to turn around, with clenched fists, to see who was stalking her. She felt a giggle rising from inside her and tried not to laugh. She realized that he was the police officer that walked the nightly beat.
“Miss I’ve been trying to catch up with you for the last fifteen minutes. You dropped your change purse in front of the store. I didn’t want to yell at you for fear of frightening you.”
Janet started to laugh hysterically, realizing that the officer probably thought her to be mad. However, if he only knew the whole story, he would understand.



Jan 21, 2011
The Foggy Night
by: Brande

Janet locked the door of the bakery shop and walked towards her car. The late September sun had set, bringing in fog and much cooler air from the bay. Janet pulled her scarf closer to her neck, as she unlocked the door of her sedan and climbed in. She tried to start the car but failed to do so; all she heard was a click and silence. Janet recalled Paul, her fiancée advising her to purchase a new battery last week, however she let it slip from her mind; now no car.
After locking the door, she decided to walk home. She did not live far from the bakery, and during late spring and summer, she often walked to and from work, since it stayed light longer. She glanced down the street, finding it to be void of all life. As she started to walk an eerie feeling came upon her, as though she was treading on alien soil. She could hear several dogs barking in the distance, and the howling of a nearby cat. Shortly she heard muffled footsteps behind her, and chills raced up her spine. She gathered speed in her walk, wishing that she was at home, curled up on the sofa watching one of her favorite shows. Now she was envisioning being robbed or drug down some dark alley never to be found again.
The footsteps grew louder and much closer. Janet wanted to run, but found that her legs felt like lead weights, and would not move. She decided to turn around, with clenched fists, to see who was stalking her. She felt a giggle rising from inside her and tried not to laugh. She realized that he was the police officer that walked the nightly beat.
“Miss I’ve been trying to catch up with you for the last fifteen minutes. You dropped your change purse in front of the store. I didn’t want to yell at you for fear of frightening you.”
Janet started to laugh hysterically, realizing that the officer probably thought her to be mad. However, if he only knew the whole story, he would understand.



Dec 09, 2010
My last try at lesson 8
by: Molly

Joe was pretty freaked out by Jessica's answer. After he asked over and over Joe finally got the name of the day care out of Jessica. The Wiggly Worm.

Joe gave the Wiggly Worm a call a call early the next day and was told they had notified the police who were on the way.

The cops have to bust into the house since no one answers. The first floor appears empty so they run up to the second floor and find Joe, Jessica and Baby Casey all in one room. Jessica is just sobbing; and all Casey can say is that she misses her mommy.

Jessica finally can't take it anymore. She wants a baby in the worst way, but she sees the pain on baby Casey's face.

She plants a kiss on Casey's face, and gives her a hug. She tells the cops that she wants them to take the baby back to day care. She knows they will get her back to her family; which is where she belongs.

Thanks everybody. Let's stay in touch until we find a class that works for everyone.

Dec 06, 2010
The kidnapper changes her mind
by: Molly

I was almost embarassed to send this again. My new laptop is a nightmare. I will be right back with my ending for lession8

Oct 06, 2010
Been lost?? where am I
by: Anonymous

Think I posted it in the wrong spot sorry?
by: Anonymous

This is a snipped of a project I've been working on.
by: Joseph F.Mazzaferro

Tell me what you think?

Titled; Genie in a bottle, Nick Murdock Private Eye

Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro.

__________________________________________________


It’s hard to walk in a straight line after indulging in Vodka and Orange juice all night long. His mind was in a fog.

Nick’s head felled like a drum, someone kept banging on.
A bit tipsy he'd be. Screwdrivers have been the key to his weight control puking his brains out on a regular basis. Then there was Nick’s friend Harry the horse, Harry was Nicks bookie who he would bet on the pony’s with.

Nick sitting at the bar, the music on the jute box played sweet Adeline or was it that other lyrics it kept repeating over and over again “I don’t want to work just want is to bang on the drums all day”, as the booze kept coming. By the time Nick was wasted and started to get nasty the bartender Joe gave Thelma a call to pick him-up before he busted up the place again. Nick spent more time on the ground at the bar then in his office. Joe asked Thelma why she puts up with him?
A spark would appear in her eyes, he needed her, Nick needed a crutch and Thelma was it.

Nick first met Thelma, he saw her for the very first time she was a vision, a thing of beauty in a warped way, her nose busted, cheekbone swollen with teeth missing. This is what she got for taking up the female version of ice hockey, Roller Derby. The first night Nick and Thelma got together it was dynamite, they consumed enough booze to kill an elephant.

The next morning they woke up sharing a bed and a massive hang-over, wishing they were dead. Thelma gave up drinking.

So Nick started drinking enough for the both of them. Thelma got tired of feeling crappy all the time. Thelma’s father died of psoriasis of the liver.

Every time she saw Nick she would see her father in him. She would try to change him, Nick hated that Thelma worked at trying to change him. “Why do people try to fix what’s not broken?” He wondered? He thought to himself, even my secretary Thelma will be forced to given up on me kicking the juicing habit.

She would stop by the bar to pick him up. Force feeding him several cups of black coffee to sober him up.

Sep 04, 2010
@ Angelo
by:

Angelo, it's been a great pleasure reading your writing and having you in the course. Thanks to you for sharing your fiction and your comments here. Wishing you all the best with your novel, and I hope you'll keep in touch.

Nancy (Creative Writing Now)

Sep 03, 2010
Lesson 7 rewrite
by: Angelo

Well this is it. I have really enjoyed the experience and the warmth of the group. I have added a rewrite of lesson 7 exercise and hope I have improved on it.
I thank you Nancy (creative writing) and N Kotkin, Robbie, and Joseph for the advice. I will go the the writing goals area to keep in touch, and I now have reached 163,000 words in my novel. Now I'm closer to the end things happen to keep me from finishing, little obstacles, you knw like family being sick and running after grandchildren, shopping, cleaning house, etc. In Canberra, Australia where I live spring has sprung and with it the rain. Speak to you all soon and thanks again.

Sep 03, 2010
Rewrite of lesson 7 exercise
by: Angelo

She finally reached the town, it was cold and starting to snow, the windscreen wipers were now on, flip flop flip flop. Collette Abrams, a travel consult, had booked her accommodation on the ‘Settler’s Hut Motel’ website. It had been a long day driving and she was looking forward to a hot shower. The town’s street lighting was dim and cast an eerie shadow as she drove slowly down the main street.
”Why does it have to run out of fuel now? Where in the hell is the motel?” She said loudly, peering through the snow covered windscreen, making the wipers work harder, as the car’s fuel light came on adding to Collette’s anxiety.
The car jerked and coughed as she saw the motel fifty metres away, the car coughed again and gave another surge. She had the accelerator flat to the floor; slowly it rolled into the kerb in front of the motel.
Collette got out clutching an overnight bag, the snow was heavier now as she rushed through the car park up to the motel’s door. She shook off the snow and walked in. The room was a mess; it was dark, cartons and furniture stacked in every corner forcing her to jump over things to reach the reception counter. She found a middle aged woman staring into a computer screen banging the keyboard not noticing Collette standing there watching a cockroach race up the wall that made her skin crawl. There were cobwebs hanging from the wall connected to a used plate that sat at the end of the counter making her wince with horror. She felt her skin cringe, she wanted go somewhere else.
“Good evening, Collette Abrams, I have a booking for tonight sorry I’m late.” Collette said.
“When did you book?” The woman asked.
“I booked last night.”
“What’s your name again?” she asked without looking away from the screen.
“Collette Abrams.”
“Oh yeah here it is.” The woman reached for a key on the keyboard.
“Room nine, its upstairs last one down the corridor on the left. That’s fifty five dollars for the night, no breakfast. Fill in your details and sign here,” she said handing Collette a card and pen, “excuse the mess we’re renovating the place.” She said holding the key waiting for payment.
Collette completed the card, paid cash for the room, took the key quickly went up the stairs, clutching tightly to her bag. She walked down the narrow passageway; cobwebs hanging from the walls and ceiling, she ducked and cringed as she made her way to the room. She was terrified, male voices laughing came from the rooms next to hers. The door opened and a man, drunk, a beer in his hand falling in front of her forcing her to stand against the wall. She was in front of her door, knowing she really had to stay tonight. Her mind’s eye saw a dirty and shabby room with spiders and cockroaches crawling over the bed. Slowly she opened the door; her mouth dropped from the shock of what she saw, a warm and comfortable room, feminine and clean. It shocked her in a lovely way and looked forward to a restful sleep.

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