(Guntur, Andhra Pradesh, India)
I'm lying on the couch...Took my 1st puff of the grass that my boy friend brought. He is on the floor..Rolling Stones playing loud on the stereo. The smell of grass is intoxicating me. My eyes are heavy. The music is dragging me into some long lost memory of mine, i don't know what exactly it is, but i can feel that my mind is going somewhere...
I was once 13 years old..dressed in red.. walking alone in the street at night. It started raining and a man offered me a lift in his car. I got in the back seat. He was smoking. The windows of the car are all closed. The smell was intoxicating. I started to feel dizzy after a few minutes.
"You high, girl?", i heard the man's voice asking me. I'm not sure, may be i was dreaming about the voice. I didn't answer back. We drove further more.
And after a few more minutes, the car stopped with a jerk. I saw him coming near to me. I looked around, the car is all filled with smoke...i can hear the sound of rain drops hitting hard at the car windows. He sat beside me...my head lost its weight, my eye lids shutting down. I think i saw that man smile. I'm not sure though, but i guess i too smiled back.
I could see the smoke around me rising...rising above me and pushing me down into void. My eyes got closed again. I felt something moving on me...a hand i suppose. I tried to open my eyes and see what it is, but i couldn't. I tried not to breathe and stop me from getting intoxicated, but i couldn't. The smell of the smoke was dragging me away from my conscience. I desperately told to myself- 'I should remember this moment clearly'; but my mind refused to concentrate.
That smell...the smell of the smoke...the smoke inside that car...the car driven by an anonymous man...his hand caressing my body...all flashed through my mind. Suddenly the music stopped and i woke up with a jerk. My boy friend is still lying on the floor. That man, lying deep in my memory all these years...suddenly brought back now with the smell of grass. I dropped the cigar and told to myself- 'I'll never smoke again'.